I also have felt that rage , I still do. It wasn't quite as bad when I lost my first son. This may seem unfair, but he was reckless. I always kind of expected to outlive him. Yes it was horribly sad. It still pains me to see his picture or have a memory , but I got through it without losing anybody else. But after my youngest, my baby took his life, I was beyond grief, rage, unanswered why's. I had read somewhere after his death, that families do one of three things when a suicide happens.
1. They turn toward each other.
This was absolutely true the first time around
2. They turn away from each.
3. They turn on each other.
This happened with everyone in our remaining family. Some of the losses don't bother me now. I said things to them I had wanted to say for a long time and I don't regret it. They aren't losses, they are lessons that I learned to not take crap from anybody anymore. No more people pleasing to the squeaky wheels. You really do know who has your back during grief. It just wasn't the our family. Fingers were pointed, like we should have known he was struggling. He was a grown man , almost, 24 years young.
My rage , is quieter now, but still manages to leap out when I least expect it. Therapy has helped, but my marriage is falling apart, partially due to my anger, my inability to accept this loss. Only other parents who have lost sons much understand this. We are a club that no one wanted to be in.
Yes, I so see you. I feel that anger, and quite hard to control it. I like your courage to speak about it. I am cosumed by guilt. You are brave. To let it out, to speak about it.
I am wishing you peace and am glad you've regained some equilibrium. We all have the capacity to love and hate, support and destroy. What we lack are infinite reserves of each of these.
Terrible loss, abuse, illness - all can suddenly leave us with an empty bucket of love and support. What we are left with is terrifying.
I'm glad that you were able to regain these capacities!
Thanks for sharing. It is important for parents going through this to know that anger is a natural part of grief. I have sometimes admired people who are able to express their anger instead of suppressing it or turning it inward, which can lead to depression, as it did for me. Namaste
I know the depression all too well. Grief is a rollercoaster ride and you never know what you will feel next. Some days all the stages cycled rapidly. Sending love and peace my friend.
I also have felt that rage , I still do. It wasn't quite as bad when I lost my first son. This may seem unfair, but he was reckless. I always kind of expected to outlive him. Yes it was horribly sad. It still pains me to see his picture or have a memory , but I got through it without losing anybody else. But after my youngest, my baby took his life, I was beyond grief, rage, unanswered why's. I had read somewhere after his death, that families do one of three things when a suicide happens.
1. They turn toward each other.
This was absolutely true the first time around
2. They turn away from each.
3. They turn on each other.
This happened with everyone in our remaining family. Some of the losses don't bother me now. I said things to them I had wanted to say for a long time and I don't regret it. They aren't losses, they are lessons that I learned to not take crap from anybody anymore. No more people pleasing to the squeaky wheels. You really do know who has your back during grief. It just wasn't the our family. Fingers were pointed, like we should have known he was struggling. He was a grown man , almost, 24 years young.
My rage , is quieter now, but still manages to leap out when I least expect it. Therapy has helped, but my marriage is falling apart, partially due to my anger, my inability to accept this loss. Only other parents who have lost sons much understand this. We are a club that no one wanted to be in.
Dear Kim. I spoke to countless parents whose families fell apart after the suicide of their child.
I know! Mine fell apart but I stayed because my home was my safe place.
Many people need someone to blame. I'm so sorry you went through this hell twice! It changes us in many ways. Sending love and peace.
The fury of being, it truly resonates for me!
I'm glad to hear that Matthew!
I admire your authenticity and honesty so much, Rea. I'm sure it is so validating to so many people who have suffered a loss as big as yours.
That is all I can hope for Lindsay. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me.
Yes, I so see you. I feel that anger, and quite hard to control it. I like your courage to speak about it. I am cosumed by guilt. You are brave. To let it out, to speak about it.
Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you struggle with guilt. It is very debilitating. Sending love.
Dear Rea,
I am wishing you peace and am glad you've regained some equilibrium. We all have the capacity to love and hate, support and destroy. What we lack are infinite reserves of each of these.
Terrible loss, abuse, illness - all can suddenly leave us with an empty bucket of love and support. What we are left with is terrifying.
I'm glad that you were able to regain these capacities!
Thank you for this beautiful messsage Mike. It was terrifying. Sending love.
Thanks for sharing. It is important for parents going through this to know that anger is a natural part of grief. I have sometimes admired people who are able to express their anger instead of suppressing it or turning it inward, which can lead to depression, as it did for me. Namaste
I know the depression all too well. Grief is a rollercoaster ride and you never know what you will feel next. Some days all the stages cycled rapidly. Sending love and peace my friend.
You gave it form with your description! A fire breathing dragon. Perfect!
I've accepted my madness.
You are a wonderful person Melanie! Let's say we are passionate. Things are bound to break around our fierceness!
Amen Queen!! 🙏
😉