Expectations doesn't always align with reality

We carve others into images we long for, images they can never live up to.

“We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.” - Anais Nin

This is one of the mistakes we make. We have preconceived ideas of how someone we love should act. We carve them into the image we long for, and when they don’t live up to our expectations, we are deeply disappointed.

When we fall in love, we long for that love to be all we desire, and in that desperation, we carve our beloved into the image we need them to be. When they fall short of that, we blame them for not living up to it. When in fact, we are to blame because what we desire can’t be emulated. It is unfair to expect someone to fill a mold we invented. We can also not force them to become our desires.

When our children are born, we start mapping out our expectations of how their lives will play out. More often than not, they choose paths we did not envision for them. Just because you have this idea of what they will achieve does not mean it will be fulfilled. Your dreams don’t always align with theirs. We can’t force what is not there to begin with. So many parents try to push their children to do better than them, and there is nothing wrong with that. Problems arise when our wishes go against their reality. A child who doesn’t possess musical prowess won’t become the artist you envision. The dreamer won’t become an accountant.

I can go on and on, but the crux of the matter is that we cannot expect others to be what we envision. They are not moldable clay that we can form into a relatable image. You can’t change someone’s personality to fit your expectations. You can’t change their moral standards to fit yours. For our sanity and theirs, we must accept them for who they are.

Namaste