Nefelibata

A cloud walker who lives in the clouds of their own imagination.

nefelibata

(n.) lit. "cloud walker"; one who lives in the clouds of their own imagination, or one who does not obey by the conventions of society, literature, or art

For most of my life, I lived in my imagination. I created different realities in my mind to cope with the pain. My childhood was fraught with feelings of being unwanted. To escape into my imagination was freedom to me. Freedom from the truth that surrounded me every day.

In my dream world, I could be anybody I wanted to be. I could have parents who loved me, understood, and accepted me for who I was. I could be safe from the sexual abuse my uncle forced on me. My mother could protect me from predators, hold me in her arms, and love me.

In my dream world, anything was possible. Things I lacked in the real world became accessible. If not of substance, but my imagination was a release. I could create an alternate reality of situations that life didn’t offer me. In my dreams, I had everything I ever wanted and needed.

This made life bearable. If things became too difficult, I would escape into the dream world. When my mother treated me with hatred and contempt, another mother who loved me was there in my imagination. When my little girl’s body was touched and violated, my dream world was there to take me away from it.

This place was my salvation, my safety. It helped me through the most difficult times in my childhood. If not for that, I don’t think I could have survived. It helped me through times when I thought it would be better if I died. I did not die, but I escaped reality, and I thank the Universe for gracing me with that ability.

Namaste