No Pity Party

I write about my trauma to be a testament that we can survive almost any tragedy, not to elicit pity.

Photo by Tijs van Leur on Unsplash

I don’t write about my trauma to gain pity or sympathy, but to be a testament that we can survive almost any tragedy. When I lost my son, Emile, to suicide, I felt lost and isolated, because nobody understood the utter hell I experienced. There weren’t many resources available in South Africa for the survivors of suicide.

I wrote numerous articles for national newspapers about my journey of grief, and many parents who found themselves in the same position contacted me. We became each other’s support, working through our pain. You cannot survive this on your own.

I also created a memorial page, on a website called Last Memories, barely a month after I lost him. I shared photos of him and the articles I wrote about this devastating subject.

There is a page where other parents are welcomed to share their heartbreaking journeys, and it shocked me when I realized just how many people die by suicide every day. It was staggering. Anyone could share their stories or leave a message of encouragement.

One lonely post immediately caught my attention when I reviewed guest posts, before publishing.

It was from a young man who was in a deep depression at the time. He searched online for ways to commit suicide and found Emile’s memorial page. After reading about the hell, I was struggling to survive, he decided to reach out to his mother for help.

He thanked me for the articles I shared, because they gave him an idea of the devastation his mother would face if he took that last fateful step, and it saved his life.

He told her about his suicidal ideation, and together they decided to seek professional help. I was deeply grateful that, amidst all the pain and destruction, someone who needed my words found a way to stay alive.

My trauma healed after years of torment, and it is now my duty to be a support and hope for others still struggling to survive their loss. This is also for those who are contemplating suicide. It may seem like the only way out, but it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem and leaves only destruction in its wake.

Namaste