Yes, of course we all wear masks, it arises from our survival instinct. But as you note from this experience, in some the mask becomes a malignant cover veiling a desperation, a need for presence, recognition. It is at once maddening and unsettling. And yet these pitiable displays provoke a deep sympathy that has evolved in me throughout 86 years of disaster, triumph and tragedy.
I think some do it for attention or sympathy while others to scam. They call themselves influencers.
Writers of truth have no problem telling you ahead of a piece if it is fiction out or not.
I never cared for fiction whether in print or in films. I can stretch my imagination in a creative process if working on an assignment but to lie about a condition such as cancer is wrong moraly, ethically and betrays your audience.
Great advice Rea, you can't trust everything we read.
Betrayal, fear, anger is what I think of as I read through your post.
Looking for the reason to make it more understandable.
Thinking that posting an old picture as a profile picture or using a pen name can be translated as a lie, I feel guilty for hiding behind them. At the same time, with my current photo up there and my legal name I couldn't be as truthful and honest as I am right now, right here.
So considering the risks, I consciously decide to be open (and maybe naive) and believe in human goodness and be ready to cry if or when cruel reality hits.
That is exactly how I feel, Harriet. If people write under a pen name, that is completely different. But to fabricate an illness is taking it to another level of deceit. Maybe I am naive, too. I believed her, after all.
You are right. But I think we need to remember that not all people are bad or sick in the head. We can’t go on and live life being so negative. Even if hurt teaches us to be that way.
I am cautious myself, but when it comes to having a conversation and I state that ‘I don’t know if I can believe them or what to believe’, I feel like I don’t give the person the common courtesy they deserve. I’d rather be betrayed or scammed myself then become the one who betrays others or to make them feel I don’t trust them and by consequence hurt them.
I enter into online relationships like a wary cat after having a couple of similar encounters. If social media teaches us nothing else, it teaches us caution.
It makes me feel sad hearing this. It creates a divide within ourselves, broken trust is a hard one to recover from but then it can create mistrust where others are living their truth and because 1 person cried wolf, our walls go up and we adopt an X files mantra “trust no one”I’ve had a few of these types of experiences in my life. Each I learn and grow. Feeling all the feelings of anger, duped etc., and it is terrible that people take advantage of peoples good nature ness, empathy, compassion. In a digital world it seems easier than ever which is heart breaking because the ones speaking truth lose and the ones who trusted will feel like they lose.
Our own hearts are at risk of hardening and for those who feel in their soul mission to help others start doubting their mission. It must be truly exhausting for these people who - for whatever their reasons - to keep concocting stories and stay in character. Which also feels heavy and sad to me.
Out of my experiences I’ve concluded that 1. I can live in the loop of anger or I can let myself feel the anger(or other) fully and move forward. That experience isn’t worth my life energy or attention anymore. Remove the energetic charge of the emotions so I can move forward freely and not project these emotions onto others by putting them all in the same potential basket. It’s done. Future experiences might feeel similar but it’s not the original hurt. 2. I ask, what is this experience teaching me? Like maybe I need to set better boundaries, ask more questions, etc. so that future similar experiences my mind can pull up my evidence and say “remember this,? Do you want to proceed differently this time?” 3. I’ve learned to “give” freely. Which required me to explore, why am I so frustrated, pissed off, angry, etc. because I could see at times when I gave I felt attached to the outcome in some way. So when I give of myself I actually now pre question myself before I give - money, advice, my time etc. to check in and make sure I’m not doing it for a reason that will be frustrating for me down the road. So when I do give now, I can do so with freedom that no matter what they do with the $,advice etc it’s in their hands. 4. Who others decide to be is a reflection of themselves, not us. Live the best you. We can’t control others. We can control ourselves, our choices, our reactions/responses etc. the rest is outside of us and experiences and information. Loved this shared. Thank you for sharing this, it’s been a great reflective tool for me to see how much I’ve shifted. Bless you.
‘On my previous blogging platform, I met a fellow blogger called Barbara, who suffered from cancer. Or pretended she did. My heart went out to her, and I commented on her posts regularly. Then her fiancé privately contacted me to inform me that she was in hospice. My heart was breaking, and I immediately wrote a post about her life-threatening situation.’
Wow, what a ‘crock of shit’ she turned out to be, that’s quite a lie to be telling!!! Yep, authenticity all the way for me too Rea, I think pretending is just an attempt to ‘win’ an ugly sort of social competition 🤨
Yes, of course we all wear masks, it arises from our survival instinct. But as you note from this experience, in some the mask becomes a malignant cover veiling a desperation, a need for presence, recognition. It is at once maddening and unsettling. And yet these pitiable displays provoke a deep sympathy that has evolved in me throughout 86 years of disaster, triumph and tragedy.
A need for presence and recognition. That makes sense, Irving. We don't know what lies behind the actions. Thank you.
Experiences ...!
But what will we be without them...
Don't let your beautiful spontaneity get tarnished by that...
🙏
Never VS!
That's a relief..
I think some do it for attention or sympathy while others to scam. They call themselves influencers.
Writers of truth have no problem telling you ahead of a piece if it is fiction out or not.
I never cared for fiction whether in print or in films. I can stretch my imagination in a creative process if working on an assignment but to lie about a condition such as cancer is wrong moraly, ethically and betrays your audience.
Great advice Rea, you can't trust everything we read.
It makes me sad, Debra.
Yes, me too
Absolutely No to faux life! How people can even come up with this kind of BS... Live life truthful, well said Rea 🌬🦋
I see people from Substack search me online, and it makes me happy to see people with sense. Thank you, Simona. 🍃🌹
It makes me very happy to have you here 🌹🦋
Ascerbic. ...and real.
I'm happy it spoke to you, Maurice.
I'm happy it spoke to you, Maurice.
good warning!
We need to be wary online.
Reminds me of the story of Belle Gibson.
Exactly, Meredith! Great example.
So many emotions..
Betrayal, fear, anger is what I think of as I read through your post.
Looking for the reason to make it more understandable.
Thinking that posting an old picture as a profile picture or using a pen name can be translated as a lie, I feel guilty for hiding behind them. At the same time, with my current photo up there and my legal name I couldn't be as truthful and honest as I am right now, right here.
So considering the risks, I consciously decide to be open (and maybe naive) and believe in human goodness and be ready to cry if or when cruel reality hits.
That is exactly how I feel, Harriet. If people write under a pen name, that is completely different. But to fabricate an illness is taking it to another level of deceit. Maybe I am naive, too. I believed her, after all.
You are right. But I think we need to remember that not all people are bad or sick in the head. We can’t go on and live life being so negative. Even if hurt teaches us to be that way.
I am cautious myself, but when it comes to having a conversation and I state that ‘I don’t know if I can believe them or what to believe’, I feel like I don’t give the person the common courtesy they deserve. I’d rather be betrayed or scammed myself then become the one who betrays others or to make them feel I don’t trust them and by consequence hurt them.
I still trust and take everyone at face value. Sharing my experience doesn't mean I now trust nobody. I don't generalise from one bad encounter.
I didn't think that you wouldn't trust. I read you said you take things 'with a grain of salt'. I understand that. We are on the same page. :) I hope.
Yes, we are, Harriet. :)
I enter into online relationships like a wary cat after having a couple of similar encounters. If social media teaches us nothing else, it teaches us caution.
Precisely!
It makes me feel sad hearing this. It creates a divide within ourselves, broken trust is a hard one to recover from but then it can create mistrust where others are living their truth and because 1 person cried wolf, our walls go up and we adopt an X files mantra “trust no one”I’ve had a few of these types of experiences in my life. Each I learn and grow. Feeling all the feelings of anger, duped etc., and it is terrible that people take advantage of peoples good nature ness, empathy, compassion. In a digital world it seems easier than ever which is heart breaking because the ones speaking truth lose and the ones who trusted will feel like they lose.
Our own hearts are at risk of hardening and for those who feel in their soul mission to help others start doubting their mission. It must be truly exhausting for these people who - for whatever their reasons - to keep concocting stories and stay in character. Which also feels heavy and sad to me.
Out of my experiences I’ve concluded that 1. I can live in the loop of anger or I can let myself feel the anger(or other) fully and move forward. That experience isn’t worth my life energy or attention anymore. Remove the energetic charge of the emotions so I can move forward freely and not project these emotions onto others by putting them all in the same potential basket. It’s done. Future experiences might feeel similar but it’s not the original hurt. 2. I ask, what is this experience teaching me? Like maybe I need to set better boundaries, ask more questions, etc. so that future similar experiences my mind can pull up my evidence and say “remember this,? Do you want to proceed differently this time?” 3. I’ve learned to “give” freely. Which required me to explore, why am I so frustrated, pissed off, angry, etc. because I could see at times when I gave I felt attached to the outcome in some way. So when I give of myself I actually now pre question myself before I give - money, advice, my time etc. to check in and make sure I’m not doing it for a reason that will be frustrating for me down the road. So when I do give now, I can do so with freedom that no matter what they do with the $,advice etc it’s in their hands. 4. Who others decide to be is a reflection of themselves, not us. Live the best you. We can’t control others. We can control ourselves, our choices, our reactions/responses etc. the rest is outside of us and experiences and information. Loved this shared. Thank you for sharing this, it’s been a great reflective tool for me to see how much I’ve shifted. Bless you.
I agree wholeheartedly with every point you make. We shouldn't let it influence us negatively towards everyone.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 🫶🏻
‘On my previous blogging platform, I met a fellow blogger called Barbara, who suffered from cancer. Or pretended she did. My heart went out to her, and I commented on her posts regularly. Then her fiancé privately contacted me to inform me that she was in hospice. My heart was breaking, and I immediately wrote a post about her life-threatening situation.’
Woah… pretty extreme 😕
Sickening. Why did she do that? Extreme is the right word.
Very odd behaviour. She must have been absolutely desperate for attention.
Wow, what a ‘crock of shit’ she turned out to be, that’s quite a lie to be telling!!! Yep, authenticity all the way for me too Rea, I think pretending is just an attempt to ‘win’ an ugly sort of social competition 🤨
Thank goodness I knew everyone on the platform. True that, Esther. An ugly competition. Sadly.
We learn, Jacob.
Thank you, Coco.