Arithmomania
My affliction has been named!
Arithmomania (from Greek arithmós, "number", and maníā, "compulsion") is a mental disorder that may be seen as an expression of obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD). Individuals experiencing this disorder have a strong need to count their actions or objects in their surroundings.
Imagine my surprise when I searched online and found out my crazy counting has been named!
I can’t remember a time when I didn’t count everything around me. At one stage in my life, I realized this counting thing became manic when stressed. When I felt like I was losing control of my life, it became a mantra. Self-hypnotism describes it perfectly. In confronting situations, I would attempt to count the lines in the face of the person talking to me. Their words were irrelevant. I was in a trance. Desperate to make the situation disappear.
It doesn’t stop there. Everything I count must add up to tens or fives. I will repeatedly count until it equals the desired number. The magic number that will make the evil vanish.
Now that my life has become stable and peaceful I feel less of a need to fall into this trap. I remind myself that I am the master of my thoughts, and my mind doesn’t control me. Meditation in stressful situations is a better way to cope than incessant counting. It only makes me feel more crazy than I already am.
Namaste, my fellow travelers!
Wow this is so interesting because I did experience this while going through a deeply painful time in my life. I would count my steps walking to and from my office. I was living in New York City at the time so sometimes I would count up to 1,000. Once I was on the other side of my grief, the counting stopped just as quickly as it came on. I didn’t know it had a name. Thanks for sharing!
Fascinating, how we find ways to cope.