Call of Death

I wrote this during a time of deep depression. When I read it now, I can't believe how far I have come.

On the shores of my mind, there is a siren call, beckoning me to follow. It is the call of death. And the alarming thing about it is that it is soothing, loving, and promises release. It assures love and peace and eternal rest. It is not a harsh or threatening invitation. It calls in a comforting way for me to follow and is so tempting to my aching soul.

I feel the strong pull of it and I am confused at what my heart is telling me. Go and find peace, no stay, there is someone who loves you very much here. Which one should I heed? The light on the other side is blinding me to the future I can have here. There is a hunger in my soul to offer myself up to it. I want to be free from the bonds of this earthly life.

Its melody pulls me longingly into a state of vulnerability, and I stand on the blurring line between life and death. Should I let go and fall into the arms of death, should I let it claim me forever? I want to be death’s victim with all my being. The need is overwhelming, and I have no strength to fight it.

This feeling is not one of hopelessness and despair, or that life is not worth living anymore. I have no way to describe it. It is as if calm has descended upon me and all I have to do is take that step to make it true, just let go of this life and death will enfold me in his arms. The summons is very difficult to ignore.

I am deeply grateful I escaped its insistent sinuous calls.

Namaste