Control

Is an illusion...

The idea that we are in conrol of our lives is an illusion. Calamities strike unexpectedly every day. We may think we are in charge of how things turn out, but we’re not.

Every time I became complacent with life, tragedy would rear its ugly head again. When I feel content with life, I wait for the next shoe to drop. The calm before the storm.

I didn’t always feel this fatalistic about life. There was a time I thought anything amazing was possible. To be fair, it was. But the first time death touched my door I went insane.

That insanity was caused by the belief that nothing earth-shattering could ever happen to me. Well, life proved me wrong. Because it will happen.

When we aren’t prepared for disaster, it will catch us unaware. When death called a second agonizing time, my perceptions changed. I couldn’t trust the imaginary benevolence of life.

Because life is malevolent in every way. Tragedy waits around every corner. After the third death, my life became an avalanche of misfortune. Everything that could go wrong, did.

When I crawled out of the abyss, silence saved me. I stilled my mind and accepted my fate. Control slipped away quietly and was replaced by calm and quiet acceptance.

As much as I want to be in control of my life, I realize I am not. With that truth now deeply embedded in my mind, I can let go of the delusion. What I can control is the way I respond to it.

Falling apart every time bad fortune comes knocking won’t change the situation. It won’t magically disappear. I have learned to have faith in my fate, whatever that may be. Fighting against life won’t give a different outcome.

Namaste