Forgiveness

Photo by Douglas Lopez on Unsplash

Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have someone to forgive. – C. S. Lewis

The idea of forgiveness seems altruistic and noble, but when you find yourself in that situation, it becomes nearly impossible.

When you are hurt by someone you trust, the pain of betrayal becomes a tremendous hurdle that seems insurmountable.

We expect them to have our best interests at heart, and when they fail, it shatters our illusion of safety.

I struggled with this idea for many years. How could I forgive my mother for protecting her brother instead of her innocent child?

This became even more pronounced when I had my own children. I would have killed anyone who hurt my sons, and the knowledge that she didn’t was beyond my comprehension.

The worst was when I confronted her as an adult, and she still blamed me, her 11-year-old little daughter, who knew nothing about sex.

All I needed from her was an apology, and she denied me that. I hated her for many years. How do you forgive someone when they believe they did nothing wrong? It drove me insane.

My pain did not affect her, I was driving myself crazy for someone who cared nothing for me. She was content with herself and her choices, and I was in hell.

Forgiveness came after years of struggling to overcome my shock at her inability to admit her guilt. I had to forgive her to set myself free from those cruel shackles. It bonded me to a past I had no control over.

Forgiveness meant taking control over my life and destiny. Realizing her actions don’t define me as a woman or human being. I feel pity for a mother who didn’t know how to be a mother.

Namaste