A victim is someone who suffers a great wrong, and lets it sit.
You are not that.
You suffered a great wrong, and worked it through, and came out the other side, scars and all - you are a surviver.
And I know that not everyone has that chance, that is not their fault...they don't need to be victimized twice.
There is no justice, there is no reconciliation, no turn the other cheek for those who have suffered, only something buried deep down that we shine a light on to steal its power, and learn to live with.
"shame is a lie someone told you about yourself." Brilliant. So happy for you for the peace you now feel, Rea.
I'm struggling with the same thing except that what my dad did to me wasn't sexual. When you visited your mother, what did she say to you? Mine was half in denial, half "How can we move forward if you keep dwelling in the past?" Zero remorse.
I don't know how to have a relationship with someone who feels nothing for causing me so much harm.
I forgave her for blaming me for his actions. For years I believed her lies. An innocent child can't carry that burden. We don't need to feel shame or guilt, Moorea. They did wrong. Sending love and peace.
This hits hard. I kept this hideous secret from the world for 8 years. 8 years of my childhood filled with shame for something that was not my fault and when I finally told my mother at 16, she shunned me. I'm so glad you have found peace with it, as I have too! Thank you so much for sharing this. It's these kind of experiences that teaches us resilience and a quiet power that no one can take from us again. Much love 🖤
You are a victor, a survivor indeed. I'm so glad you decided to share your story and in dong so have found a supportive community. Sharing our stories is a powerful thing. Thank you for sharing yours.
This is incredibly brave. Moving from silence, not even naming it in therapy, to speaking it publicly is no small thing. The line about shame being a lie someone told you about yourself is powerful and true. It shifts the weight back where it belongs.
I’m also struck by how community made this possible. Other women spoke, and you found your voice. Now yours will do the same for someone else. The forgiveness feels hard won, not neat or sentimental, but freeing. Not a victim, but a victor. That reclamation of yourself is the real triumph.
When I first read their accounts I cringed with shame. But, it's the only way to come to terms with it. It was eating away at me, and I'm sure my perpetrators forgot all about it.
One of my worries was that my family and friends would read my post. But, it was time they knew about the depravity. My cousin went through the same and he killed himself. I refuse to give them power over me.
You are extraordinary Rea. <3 So grateful you survived with such clear sight! Thank you for loving and protecting the precious little girl you were, when nobody else did. I'm hugging her (you) from afar!!!!!
Reaching the point of forgiveness is allowing yourself to set down the baggage of their transgressions. One doesn't forget, it does not erase, it opens light to the darkness.
My mom said she thought she knew but how could she accuse him. In her era, and within the abuses of her own life of being called crazy, she feared and doubted her own instincts.
No, you are not a victim. What a truly fucked-up family, with no one taking care of the most vulnerable person, you. I’m so glad you are speaking for that little girl now. She has shown immense courage and in doing so has grown into a magnificent woman 💪❤️
You are a survivor, not a victim. So glad you found peace.
Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate your words.
It warms me that you have found a peace for something no one should have to go through.
💜
I had to, or go insane. Thank you, Emma! 🤍
A victim is someone who suffers a great wrong, and lets it sit.
You are not that.
You suffered a great wrong, and worked it through, and came out the other side, scars and all - you are a surviver.
And I know that not everyone has that chance, that is not their fault...they don't need to be victimized twice.
There is no justice, there is no reconciliation, no turn the other cheek for those who have suffered, only something buried deep down that we shine a light on to steal its power, and learn to live with.
Love you, Rea.
❤️
Love you, Emma. ❤️
We learn to live with it. Thank you. ❤️❤️
"shame is a lie someone told you about yourself." Brilliant. So happy for you for the peace you now feel, Rea.
I'm struggling with the same thing except that what my dad did to me wasn't sexual. When you visited your mother, what did she say to you? Mine was half in denial, half "How can we move forward if you keep dwelling in the past?" Zero remorse.
I don't know how to have a relationship with someone who feels nothing for causing me so much harm.
I forgave her for blaming me for his actions. For years I believed her lies. An innocent child can't carry that burden. We don't need to feel shame or guilt, Moorea. They did wrong. Sending love and peace.
Thanks, Rea, I’m sending you love and peace too. I’m so glad you no longer believe her lies.
What is the current status of your relationship? I find it impossible to carry on an authentic relationship with a parent who has no remorse.
She's more like an aunt I see now and then. I feel sorry for her now. It could've been so different.
That makes sense.
Shame is astoundingly toxic. I’m glad for your peace. Sending you so much love. ❤️
Thank you, Lisa. Love right back at you. ❤️
The part where you visited your mother and forgave her hit me so hard... that is such a huge thing to carry into one room...
It was overwhelming, Asuka. Thank you my friend.
This hits hard. I kept this hideous secret from the world for 8 years. 8 years of my childhood filled with shame for something that was not my fault and when I finally told my mother at 16, she shunned me. I'm so glad you have found peace with it, as I have too! Thank you so much for sharing this. It's these kind of experiences that teaches us resilience and a quiet power that no one can take from us again. Much love 🖤
Our mothers failed in their duty to protect us and helping us through it. We survived without them. Sending love and peace, Samira.
Thank you, lovely. Yes our mothers failed to protect us. May mine rest in peace 🖤
Hi Rea,
You are a victor, a survivor indeed. I'm so glad you decided to share your story and in dong so have found a supportive community. Sharing our stories is a powerful thing. Thank you for sharing yours.
Thank you, Nancy. You are right, we heal while supporting each other. ❤️
Absolutely.
This is incredibly brave. Moving from silence, not even naming it in therapy, to speaking it publicly is no small thing. The line about shame being a lie someone told you about yourself is powerful and true. It shifts the weight back where it belongs.
I’m also struck by how community made this possible. Other women spoke, and you found your voice. Now yours will do the same for someone else. The forgiveness feels hard won, not neat or sentimental, but freeing. Not a victim, but a victor. That reclamation of yourself is the real triumph.
When I first read their accounts I cringed with shame. But, it's the only way to come to terms with it. It was eating away at me, and I'm sure my perpetrators forgot all about it.
One of my worries was that my family and friends would read my post. But, it was time they knew about the depravity. My cousin went through the same and he killed himself. I refuse to give them power over me.
Thank you for reaching out to me, Nat. ❤️❤️
You have nothing to be ashamed of
🙏🙏
We all find our way as best we can. So glad we walk togeather sometimes
I'm also glad about that. 🤗
So brave.
And yes, forgiveness is not for others, it is for us!
So we can be free, like you say.
Thank you for saying that, Thomas. We free ourselves.
You are, and you inspire with your words. Hugs.
Thank you, Jen.
You are extraordinary Rea. <3 So grateful you survived with such clear sight! Thank you for loving and protecting the precious little girl you were, when nobody else did. I'm hugging her (you) from afar!!!!!
Thank you, Stephanie. Hugging you right back.
Reaching the point of forgiveness is allowing yourself to set down the baggage of their transgressions. One doesn't forget, it does not erase, it opens light to the darkness.
My mom said she thought she knew but how could she accuse him. In her era, and within the abuses of her own life of being called crazy, she feared and doubted her own instincts.
Much love ❤️ my friend.
It was easier swept under the rug, than facing it. Thank you, Debra. Hugs
No, you are not a victim. What a truly fucked-up family, with no one taking care of the most vulnerable person, you. I’m so glad you are speaking for that little girl now. She has shown immense courage and in doing so has grown into a magnificent woman 💪❤️
Thank you, Esther. I'm so glad I finally realized it. 💞💞
I read your post within this one…
🫶💪 Glad you are free and victorious
Thank you, Marjorie! I feel empowered. : )
You are the strongest person I know 💕