Shame

Is the lie someone told you about yourself.

Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself.”

―Anaïs Nin

We mostly feel shame about something we were told was our fault. Women know this emotion intimately because of actions against us that we supposedly caused. Blame the victim. She asked for it, she wore revealing clothes, she wanted it. Women are not allowed to speak out.

When my uncle sexually abused me, my mother blamed me for the abuse. She made me feel ashamed of someone else’s actions. I grew up being ashamed of any sexual emotions and actions. I also thought that sex was the way you express love. This caused confusing emotions in me. If sex was love, but sex was dirty, then love was wrong. That means that love is shameful.

We are made to feel ashamed of ourselves by the twisted logic expressed by those we trust. They lie to us about ourselves, and we believe it. Because adults are supposed to know everything, we trust without question.

Then we become adults, still believing the lie we were told about ourselves. How can you have a natural relationship with a man when you feel ashamed about your feelings? If a man treats you with disrespect, then you must have earned it.

Women also get fat-shamed from an early age. You should look a certain way, or you should be ashamed of yourself because you don’t. The shame society creates about an acceptable body shape that women should achieve is completely false. Your physical form has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. How can women feel normal emotions in a relationship when they feel ashamed of their bodies?

Stop believing the lies the world tells you about yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Just because a predator took advantage of you does not make you guilty for it. Just because you don’t wear the same (abnormal) size clothing as a runway model, there's no need to be ashamed of it.

There are many examples I could use about shame, but I thought these were the most important lies we as women are told.

Namaste